A beautiful day is any day where you post something like this, yet under such sad circumstances I feel torn to nothingness like the abyss which stares back at all of us. Yet, here I am, I have come again, to the end of the beginning and I have returned again unto myself.
Bryant Stratton – Night with the Soul: The Trail of Permanence
I am? I am. Existing within while out. I am flow In experience. I am open I have tethered to new. I have something at this moment. I feel a great urge to action. I accelerates What am I now? We? I go through a forest of trees. I see their branches touch. We collide and converge. I am them and I are me. I grow Is this we? All creation
Five years ago on my kitchen floor, I wrote this out while trying to explain my deepest thoughts with a few people that were close to me. The understanding of what you see above helped us set a goal that we shared with others along our journey of pursuing the change needed in ourselves and the achieving of the goal. This was the kind of adventure towards something greater in the world that everyone could hold principal which would cause all of us to be tempted to turn on our commitments that we formed and principals we had brought to the table. We thought we knew ourselves so well, yet it turns out we knew very little.
It is those moments in life on any adventure when growing was not wanted, that we see who we are and make a choice of the nail that we use in our coffin or the coffin of a previous self. Like a snake’s skin that shed’s we too can change and becomes something very different yet the same. It is often not by choice that the circumstance arise but is always by the choice of a sovereign individual.
In a sense I wrote out my “escape/redemption” plan from my circumstance while sharing naively with my doubters along the way (willingly chosen) under the guise of complexity and excitement. Btw, this was the the kind of escape where you try to convert and bring your oppressors with you. It worked!
So, nodding their heads they said, “ah yes I understand”, however they did not understand. Yet they did support me in going down my path of finding out what I needed to.
As a note not all support is readily given it sometimes has to be pulled from experience with perspective like seeing the positive or thanking someone for screwing you over because they taught you something.)
If they had understood what would happen to me and them by extension they would have realized that their ticket on the “moving car”, their ability to keep up, had just expired for the time.
I must acknowledge that this isnt a kind of final statement, its just that life has seasons and people are part of those season. Like the seasons people also change so people people around you or understand you is something that can always change.
Personally, I would accept anyone again. Would they?
Ah, fun to think about however unless it happens that is all the time we should spend on that. Anyone change their tune to love, kindness, and tenderness. Is that what makes life so fun? Or is the invention of fun just a way to have something to pay for. Thus if we need to pay for something we need to work. So, it seem that the idea of fun just keep us working to be able to do more. Seems an awful lot like the idea of survival with a nice bow on it :D.
“Wherever there is madness there is also a grain of genius and wisdom… All superior men who were irresistibly drawn to throw off the yoke of any kind of morality and to frame new laws had, if they were not actually mad, no alternative but to make themselves or pretend to be mad.” ~ Nietzsche
So, over the next seven days of the most intense sober mental leap I wrote the following and much more that I will start to release now. It is the right time.
Sometimes when you, “stare into the abyss, and the abyss stares back at you” the way you do things changes, you learn, and you are show what the knowing comes with, responsibility.
As context, I write this blog post today as divorce has being threatened. In the midst of this, writing is very therapeutic and bring reminders of what I stand for. That is to stick with those that have done so with me, to be loyal and true even when it hurts. To respect someone else reality as how they see the world with the acknowledgement that the option I have is to enjoy what I find.
Everyone out there, keep learning, keep loving, and treat those that find you worthy with every bit of everything you can, life is short.
In the view of what I am now, what I was, and will be I find the trio to be in good sorts and there is a feeling of kinship in the alignment of knowing what our future will be. I am my past, my present, and my future with each decision. The honor of that is without measurement in the depth nor the span of it, it is priceless and therefore can never be bought, sold, nor recovered. Like opening a door for someone, this decision is a decision to be a person of a self prescribed honor where the sweetness of life is like a never-ending gobstopper.
The following words are an update after writing. After the journey I have had I was able to not react, I just gave forgiveness, and everything worked out. Wow! What a cool thing amongst many others that I’ve picked up. I’M VERY GRATEFUL! Even more so is the thankfulness that I have to my partner for putting me through that experience. Only when we hold things up to the light and accept the possibility of failure that we can grow in parallel with each other.
